"You can not talk even objectively about your basic foundational experiences"

[succubus_sally]

I saw this post and found it very relatable but didn't want to comment on it on tumblr as there were of course, trolls in the comment section. I find that people who go out of their way to participate in those conversations aren't there to have real conversations - they're there to gain info and use it against someone else as a way of antagonizing people to get reactions so they have more things to respond to.

And that's only part of the reason to not share personal information with anyone.

I don't want to agree with that statement but as a person, I feel like I have been backed into a corner and it mostly feels like no one wants to hear about me, as a person.

No one wants to hear my life experiences. They are too much for others. Or they are problematic in some way.

And that's from sharing small tidbits like "I don't talk to my family". Like outside of lying, there isn't a better way to explain that.

A lot of people in the comments talk about being vague instead. I'm often forced into the be vague situation but in my experience, being vague just causes people to ask more questions. So you can't win. Because the more details you give up, the more trauma you are sharing. Then you're trauma dumping/venting and well no one can really handle that so shut the fuck up and go see a therapist.

Over the past 10 years, I've seen about 8 different therapists. Also tried to check into a mental facility that wouldn't take me. Not even voluntarily. Like I tried to remove myself from society and they wouldn't let me.

So basically, I'm forced to just live like everyone else even though my life hasn't really been like other's.

I can't even casually talk about my past because who knows who might be effected by it. And its my job to make sure other people aren't hurt by the things that hurt me. I never asked for that responsibility and I'm not sure why everyone is hellbent on forcing me to follow these shit protocols.

It really seems as though it is too much to ask for other people to learn how to have empathy.

People don't want to do the work it takes to be empathetic towards someone they can't relate to.

While I find this sad, other people see it as a "social agreement" and that if you don't go along with it, well you're an evil asshole and should be shunned.

Yet I never agreed to some "social contract" that everyone else supposedly got on board with. I also didn't ask to be born or to have all the shitty experiences I did.

But hey. I should just shut up cause everyone is trying to keep it lighthearted and doesn't want to hear it.

I managed to work on myself and find humor in my experiences but that's also not acceptable. And other people can tell me that I didn't really work on myself just because I don't meet their personal expectations for being a "good person". 8 different therapists somehow just isn't enough to say I tried - I should keep trying therapy even though it didn't work because therapy is the ONLY WAY.

8 different therapists just isn't trying hard enough. And regardless of how much change I already went through - that still isn't enough to say I'm a better person now. Nope, I'm still evil and I need to keep working on myself through therapy because that is the only option. And if you don't take that option, you're a piece of garbage who doesn't want to better themselves.

There's no nuance to this discourse. I've been hit over the head with these extreme takes over and over and even when I have mostly stopped participating in social media - I would find these same takes in real life. Which has left me more and more alienated.

AND YES, I get that there is a time and place for things. The issue is, my life has been so fucked up that I can't even share casual details. Like there is no good answer for "oh your parents live so far away, do you still talk to them?" - for one I want to know why people ask shit like that in the first place. And why do they get to the escape the responsibility that I have to follow??

My life was punishment enough. It's so disappointing to get out of an abusive home only to find that everyone else in the world is just as abusive.

If I'm not allowed to talk about myself then why should I talk to anyone? It's not like anyone wants to actually get to know me. And why the hell should I want to get to know anyone else?

Well, I know the why, duh. I had a lonely life where I was isolated for a good chunk of my childhood and was deprived of friendship on purpose by my mother and some of my dad's family. A lot of my life was spent inside a room, watching the outside world pass me by. So having friends always seemed out of reach and difficult to hang on to.

That's why I find it sad that more people don't want to do the work to have empathy for others. There are definitely good explanations for a lot of human behavior but we limit ourselves from talking about the human experience and will even demonize someone for trying to break that mold by being open and sharing personal things.